Jeff at acoustic show

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Lyrics

Selected lyrics from Songs for Strippers (and other professions)

Bottom Feeder

©2007 Crandall

I’m learning to swim again
Navigating the underworld
Big fish, small life

I feel lighter, can finally breathe
Jet streams write mute symphonies
Arhythmic, sublime

I don’t want to hear everybody say
You swim away from your troubles
That gills and fins are no substitutes
For lungs and air and surfaces

I’m overwhelmed by humidity
Heaviness bearing down on me
My own special gravity

I’m a slave to geography
Can’t see what’s controlling me
But the roots run deep

And I don’t want to hear everybody say
You’ve turned away from your promise
You’re lost, you can’t follow the map
You walk away from the obvious
ways . . .

To spread your wings and fly
Spread your wings and fly
Into the bright, clear sky

But I’m no insect, no butterfly larvae
I’m a lungfish or some bottom feeder
Bad character who prefers the dim light
To the harsh glare and hard surfaces
Maps and clocks and directions
Mathematical, tried and true methods
Zip locked and marketed, anti-
Bacterial, airbrushed and polished
Cleaner than clean can be clean
Shiny lovely

’Til daylight
’Til daylight
’Til daylight

Puts an end to night
Puts an end to night

I’ll take my bow and dive
Take my bow and dive
Into the deep divine

Jeff - Not Your Kind of Man at the Terminal Bar

Come to Me

©2007 Crandall

You come to me
You come to me
You come to me
And come alone

You come to me
My heart is cold
You come to me
Or I’ll come to you

You come to me
Your flesh is warm
You come to me
And drink my words, my blood

I’ll teach you
I’ll teach you

I’ll give you life and air to breathe
I’ll leave you begging me
I’ll leave you hurting, all alone
Waiting for me to come back home

You come to me
I’ll cover you in oil
You come with me
And I’ll cleanse you

Yeah, I’ll cleanse you

You come to me
My heart is cold
You come to me
Or I’ll rip into your soul

I’ll find you
Yeah, I’ll find you

I’ll break the flesh ‘til there’s no pain
No thoughts dividing suffering
In full presence you will come
To the light behind the image of the living one

I promise you
I promise you
I promise you
I promise you

Watch the "Come to Me" video

Swallows' acoustic show

The Craven King

©2007 Crandall

I’ve got a taste for some raw red meat
Girl or boy, young and sweet (or old and nasty)
Transmutation as the sun goes down
Myopia makes the world so soft and round

I don’t feel like I’m coming through clear at all

3 a.m. in the produce aisle
Shiny wet fruit goes on for miles and miles
No fun bathing in the hyper-light
Everything so clean and bright and real

I don’t feel like I’m coming through clear at all

I feel alive
I’m the craven king
I’ll come in close
Yeah, I’ll make you scream

I’ve been reading the Marquis de Sade
How to tie a good knot and make it feel like love
Candles, incense I don’t mind
I’ll bring the whips, you shut the blinds

I don’t feel like I’m coming through clear at all

I feel alive
I’m the craven king
I’ll come in close
Yeah, I’ll make you scream

Daylight shoves me up against the wall
I built it up, so I’ll tear it down and down
Edges edges everywhere
I need some respite from this glare

I don’t feel like I’m coming through clear at all

I feel alive
I’m the craven king
I’ll cut you nice
Yeah, I’ll make you scream

I’ll take your dignity
And strap it to your soul
I’ll dress your wounds after
I sink my teeth right to your bones

Jeff and Frank

Days Like This

I said goodbye to nothing
I can’t take it anymore
To have you waiting for me
When I don’t give a damn

So, you’ve given up hope
So, I wasted your time

Days like this
You’re feelin’ cold as hell
Days like this
Slow motion, slow to fade

You’re dessicated
You still fear the water, still fear the air
You can’t stand the surface
But you can’t swim these depths

Slow, so slow to move
So, you won’t save yourself

I know you’re out there
Caught in a trap
You won’t let go

But I won’t watch the days pass me by
I won’t dry up
No, I won’t fade
I won’t let the will in me die

Days like this
They’re like a slow suicide
Days like this
Will eat you alive
Days like this
Will cut you with cold steel
Days like this
Slow motion, slow to fade

Jackson's Swallows' Poster

Eventide

©2007 Crandall

Let’s put our party hats on
And get out tonight
We’ll drink to our future
‘Til we’re hopeful and bright

And we won’t destroy the moment
Worrying about money and life

We’re gonna make our last stand
And do it up right
We can care about tomorrow
When we turn out the lights

I really can’t remember
The last time that we felt right

Wash over me, eventide
Come down to me, eventide

I’m sorry for the hard words
The distrust and lies
And the drunken tirades
In the dead of the night

I guess I’ve lost my balance
I’m probably less than alright

Wash over me, eventide
Come down to me, eventide

I don’t know whose side I’m on
I don’t know what went wrong

Oh, maybe I’m wrong
Oh, baby, you’ve gone
[when you comin’ home?]

You’ve been pretty restless
Tired of drifting through life
I promise we can get through
If we focus our sights

On the life we should be living
The one where we’re happy and light

Wash over me, eventide
Come down to me, eventide

Wash over me, eventide
Come down to me, eventide

Wash over me
Watch over me
Wash over me
Watch over me

Frank

Hardball

Got my mind made up
I’m not scared
Better listen up
Get prepared
I’m movin’ on
Like long, long gone

I’ll let the government
Take its share
But you’re no charity
Let’s get that square
You’re a real hard ball
And your back’s against the wall

Too many headaches
Too much pain
If I tell another lie
I’ll go insane
I want it all
And I’m headed for a fall

You don’t open up very well
You need to live it up
Can’t you tell?
I won’t be on call
When you’ve got me crawling
Up the walls

You’d better lighten up
Learn to share
You’d better find a way
To drown your cares
In drink or song
Or whatever gets you movin’ on

Too much bullshit
Too much pain
If I watch you cry again
I’m gonna fucking scream
You’re gonna stall
’Til I yell, "Fuck All"

You’ve got a sick lie
Perched in the place of love
And you’re gonna feed that bird
’Til it eats you right up
You never knew when love flew past you

I’ll have a heart attack
Lose my hair
Gain a hundred pounds of despair
That’s why I’m movin’ on
Like long, long gone

You’d better hold on tight
You’d better hold on good
I’m gonna catch a ride
Through these petrified woods
I’d better roll
Before I get bulldozed

Yeah, I’m gonna hitch a ride
Before this gets real mean
I’m not explaining nothing
No words to turn on me

I’ll burn it all
Before I let you make me crawl

I’ll burn it all...
Hardball

Swallows' acoustic show - June 2008

I Won’t Let You Down

You can’t remember what cut you to pieces
The flash of that knife still holds you down

You see yourself as some battle-worn princess
But you’re more like quicksand than bullets and shrapnel

You draw the line but can’t seem to hold it
Homesteader between the lost and loved

When you want someone
Who knows what you’re missing,
Your scars remind you
"You’re all alone"

Hold on, Hold on
You’ve had enough
But I won’t let you down

You like everything fast, hard as steel
Take a fist to a slap in the face
You hate people who cry when they suffer
You’re like concrete that cracks but won’t break

Come close to your heart; it ceases beating
All gauges zero and every clock stops

You’re like a squad car first to the crime scene
You’ve got a way of shutting down the block

Hold on, Hold on
You’ve had enough
But I won’t let you down

Down
Down
Down

Hold on, Hold on
You’ve had enough
But I won’t let you down

Tyson

Kerouac

©2007 Crandall

I’m holding communion with my autograph
On the back of a postcard to an old girlfriend
I’m so guilty for my lack of identity

I don’t want to be the campus president
Or a mealy-mouthed hipster from the psychic orient
I just want to be a merry man

I don’t want to be a Jack Kerouac
Expending all my energy
And returning right back
To where I began

I don’t want to climb any corporate ladder
Fending off my enemies with super-slick diplomacy
I just want to be a merry man

I don’t want to be a brain-dead patriot
Or a Christ-loving Marxist conspiracy nut
I just want to be a merry man

I don’t want to be a Jack Kerouac
Expending all my energy
And returning right back
To where I began

Great American spirit
Sang the song of himself
Lost and lonesome icon
He fell off the end of the earth
Fell off the end of the earth
Fell off the end of the earth

I don’t want to be a Jack Kerouac
Expending all my energy
And returning right back
To where I began

The Last Happy Shot

©2007 Crandall

I’m still thinkin’ that you’re near
On the couch or up the stairs
Your voice wakes me in the night
I hear you come in to tell me, "It’s alright"

I sense your laughter in the air
The scent of soap left in your hair
Your polished wit
Your quick-draw mind
Shooting back at me
Like bullets from the divine

I saw you last night at the bitter end
With your high boots on
Sexy little child
Bright-eyed and free
Turning every head your way...
Even the ghost of you
A moment’s view
Could bring me right down to my knees

I took a drive out to the coast
To find those cliffs
Where we got lost
Two happy drunks
Too stoned to get far
I threw the last of you
To the waves and to the stars

I saw you last night at the bitter end
With those high boots on
Your coquettish smile
So charming and free
Playing the French courtesan
Who’ll pull you close
Like you’re the one
Who’ll bring her every
Gift that she needs

I’ve come a long way to find you here
Past the river Styx and the ferryman
You ran away from my last goodbye
And the light flew away with you

I saw you last night at the bitter end
With those high boots on
Sexy little child
So bright-eyed and free
Drank one last happy shot
Then the bar cleared out
The lights came up
My world shut down
And you were gone

I saw you last night at the bitter end
With those high boots on
Sexy little child
So bright-eyed and free
Turnin’ every head your way
Even the ghost of you
A moment’s view
Could bring me right down

Even the ghost of you
A moment’s view
Could bring me right down

Even the ghost of you
A moment’s view
Could bring me right down
To my knees

Jeff - Not Your Kind of Man at the Terminal Bar

Not Your Kind of Man

I bet I’m lookin’ pretty ugly
I bet I’m lookin’ pretty sad
Why do you act so disappointed?
I bet I make you pretty mad

I don’t want empty conversation
I don’t want to meet your dad
I want to push myself against you
I need to taste you pretty bad

Just take one look at me
I’m not your kind of man

What I lack in feelings
I make up in stamina
I look so good when we’re together
You don’t look it but you should

Just take one look at me
I’m not your kind of man

Every time when we’re together
You push, you push
And you think it’s pretty clever
To push, push, push, push

I’m feelin’ pretty seasick
Fucked up, misunderstood
I put up with all this bullshit
Just to see that little bush

You want passion, you want meaning
I want ecstasy and joy
I need to have it in the moment
Don’t need a man; you need a boy

Just take one look at me
I’m not your kind of man

Jeff and Aaron

Undone

Standing outside
It’s late and I’m anxious and tired
I’m trying to shake off that feeling
I shouldn’t have done what I’ve just done

I hope I didn’t give you my number
I hope you don’t remember my name
I keep walking back through the same old things
You’d think I’d know which way to turn
To turn

You’d better look at yourself
And take back that moment
The one when you came undone
Lost your head and your heart
The day that your soul went numb

I don’t even know what your name is
I don’t even know what I came for
I’m feeling so worried and wasted
I’m never coming round again
Round again, round again, round again

I don’t even know where my car is
I hope all I told you were lies
I’m feeling so worthless and wasted
I’m never coming round again
Round again, round again, round again

You’d better look at yourself
And take back that moment
The one when you came undone
Lost your head and your heart
The day that your soul went numb

You’d better learn what you want
What you want
What you want
What you want

Selected lyrics from Tracing the Cracks

Jeff Crandall playing acoustic guitar

Heat and Light

My body is aching
There’s nothing to say
I’ve burned all my bridges
Not much that’s coming my way

The floors are all silent
I breathe in the night
How long ago was it?
This room was once filled
With the heat and the light

Still, there’s a mark we made inside
Hand over hand on every door
As they board up the neighborhood
We live in no more

I stand in the hallway
And trace all the cracks
That break through the plaster
And run from the font to the back

Sweet dampness and decay
I breathe in the night
How long ago was it?
This room was once filled with the heat and the light

Still, there’s a mark we made inside
Hand over hand on every door
As they board up the neighborhood
We live in no more

See them flatten out the block
For new high rises on the way
In a pile a stick of furniture
From yesterday

My body is aching
There’s nothing to say
I’ve burned all my bridges
Not much that’s going my way

You used to bring me the heat and the light

I Don’t Belong to the Sun

Light, I keep listening for you
In this final arcade
On the dark side of no place
I move in the shadows
There’s no falling from here
I’m frozen on this accident sphere

I am one with the darkness
I don’t belong to the sun

I watch as my mantra consumes my soul
It’s come for my being
For what’s left to behold

But the deed of the dead is already done
Made my pact with the devil

I am one with the darkness
I don’t belong to the sun

These renegade passions just slip away
They turn me around, twist me up tight
And lead me down the path
To the prince of the night

No words could break my fall
No guilt will redeem my soul

I am one with the darkness
I don’t belong to the sun

You won’t find me praying
Down on my knees
Collapsed in the womb of this mystery

You won’t find my body in linen white
I’ll be back but untouchable in the dead of the night

I’m not moving on
I’m not moving on

In this permanent darkness
I don’t belong to the sun

More Trouble Than I’m Worth

Stepping on your photographic
Memories of snapshots taken
Of all these stupid little things
That I’ve forgotten in the forest
The grand hallucinations
Of the gifted artist I’ve become

I’ve been peddling all these arbitrary
Explanations of why I’ve chosen
To neglect a thousand friends
I told that I would love forever
You see me as calculated,
Petrified, Incorporated
Angrier than Martin Luther
Never resting, so despondent

Like all the empty bottles
Filling up the grocery bags
I try to hide beneath my kitchen counter
Until they overflow the trashbin
I’m too lazy to put a proper face on things
It undermines my giving nature

I’ve caused more trouble than I am worth
More trouble than I am worth

Rarebird

I can feel you stepping through me
I’m wide awake, dear
I’m not sleeping through this

Where you headed?
You’re still a specter, dissipating
I wish that you could
Rest your head for awhile

I’d like to stop this train
And walk from these tracks
Into the woods
Where days pass unnoticed
Where we could sit still for awhile

Rarebird
Where are you going?
Rarebird
What are you asking for?
Rarebird
What’s that song your singing?
Rarebird

These Last Days

These last days
Between the bookstore and the parking lot
I turned

These last days
Have given me a taste for living
So I turned

Meeting you
Has changed the taste of ash to sugar
So I turned

In this apartment
Underground and full of nothing
I turned

These last days
Have been like water for the thirsty
So I turned

These last days
Have given every thought new meaning
So I turned

When there was one
The days all ran together
So I turned

When I’m with you
Each moment has a color
So I turned

Water for the Man

He’s got a family and some lovely friends and neighbors
He gives a tithe to the church on every Sunday
He prays for goodness as he weeps about his savior
But he’s got his hands on me

He likes to swim with the naked boys and watch them
Through the goggles he bought for a vacation
Diving with his wife off the coast of Italy
Now he's got his hands on me

He knows that god is watching
But he still needs water for the man

He’d like for me to go to church with him on Sunday
To play guitar in the hope that the assembly
Will believe that I am just a Christian friend
But he’s got his hands on me

He knows that god is watching
But he still needs water for the man

He’s got no trouble in his soul
He trusts that Jesus is the truth
He knows the word of god is in him
His perseverance is the proof

So he’s made some minor errors
His loving god will grant him grace
For god planted this affliction
And god will have to take its place

Additional lyrics

Bitter Root

We’re eating life from the bitter root
We’re sucking the taste from the afterglow of heaven
And oceans and martians and DNA
Pull the cord, it’s my stop, I get off here

Lead me far into atmosphere
Feed me ozone and old growth and beluga whales
I can’t refrain from consuming the earth
I have a craving for more vegetation

Ohh, the bitter root
I can taste it
Ohh, the bitter root
I think I can wash it down
Ohh, the bitter root
It’s for sale, dear, like cheap beer
Three bucks - mark it down

Who said that life could be bigger than this?
Some old, farting anglo from Boston
Well, I got here on the hips of my mother
And I’m not working them off again

Give me a look at my better end
I’m consumption, I’m edible, but I’m no Fred Astaire
Won’t you tell me I’m beautiful?
I’ll start eating my way to happiness

Ohh, the bitter root
I can taste it
Ohh, the bitter root
I think I can wash it down
Ohh, the bitter root
It’s for sale, dear, like cheap beer
Three bucks - mark it down

Downstream

I hear their voices on t.v.
Transfigured through some chemistry
They’re reaching through the atmosphere

They’re telling me, "Don’t look around,
Don’t think too much, don’t trust yourself,
Don’t blink an eye ‘til the kingdom comes"

Do I dare look away?
Trade salvation for a real taste
Of my own joy and pain?

I’ve been drowning in the alpha waves
The spectacle won’t let me breathe
I have swallowed every programmed fear
Can’t fight the currents sending me ...

Downstream, Downstream

I had my chance to look around
To turn it off; not drink it down
To find my way to solid ground

But now that I need something real
Something sharp that I can feel
Can’t make it burn; can’t break the seal

I’ve been drowning in the alpha waves
The spectacle is strangling me
Haunted, hunted by the voices of doom
These foul waters casting me

Downstream, Downstream

The Ghosts of Karma

I can’t lift my head from this pillow
Can’t stop counting these breaths
Or take my eyes off these walls

And I can’t remember all the good things
Can’t swallow these pills
Can’t hold on

I need your love
I need your love
I need your love
To wash it down

I need your love
I need your love
I need your love
To lift me up
And take me home

I’ve let the ghosts of karma in
Opened up the doors of pain
Caused too much hurt

I don’t remember how to breathe
Can’t shake this fear of disease
Can’t hold on

I need your love
I need your love
I need your love
To talk me down

I need your love
I need your love
I need your love
To lift me up
And take me home

I’ve let go of too much love
Cultivated too much hate
I’ve forgotten innocence
Can’t wash these fears away

I need your love
I need your love
I need your love
To talk me down

I need your love
I need your love
I need your love
To lift me up
And take me home

High Water

I don't know why I won't lend a hand
I don't know why

Red clay
Cracked broken
River
Dry dust bone

The sweat on my fingers
Sucked up by the noon sun
The fields lie fallow
River - dry dust bone

Sky bleeds
Redemption
Hard earth
Gives way

High water
Moves swiftly
Over thirsty
Low lands

It came to me like a new horizon
Came to me
It came to me like a new horizon
Came to me and washed away my pain

Oregon

Called again
Won’t you pick up the phone?
Lost my way
But I’m ready to turn

All the freeways intersect
All my life flows to one end

I’m coming down
Left my number again
Must be out
Must be moving along

The California sun
Turned to rain in Oregon

No turning back
No exits ahead
Oregon
No longer my home

I was dying to be free
Now it’s suffocating me

I want you back
Won’t you pick up the phone?
It’s getting late
So many miles to go

Through the driftwood to the sea
‘Til the sun beats down on me

Ahhh Ahhh Ahhh, Oregon
Ahhh Ahhh Ahhh, Oregon

Resistance (Had I Been There)

You might believe, poured your trust into me
Had I been there
You might believe that the chorus of feelings
Had grown there

Here in my heart I can’t see but the danger, the fire
Here in my heart . . . I can’t see, I can’t trust, I can’t hear
I can’t feel, I can’t taste anymore

You might believe, poured your trust into me
Had I been there
I might believe I could call out to you
And you would care

I just can’t wait anymore
For the next foot to fall
I just can’t wait anymore for the polish, the steam, and the passion
I know you really don’t go there

Baby, don’t you know?
I’m feeling down now
I really don’t belong

You might believe that your polishing me
For the things I could be
You might believe that you polished the stones
That you cast right through me

I don’t know why you can’t sleep anymore
But you can’t
You might believe that you’re better than that
That you can’t understand why I’m walking right out

I don’t know now
Why can’t you be alone?
I’ve been there
Why can’t you be alone?

Gone
Why don't you sing along?
Gone
I really can’t be that wrong

The way that you’re given to stand
For things you don’t know
The things you don’t know
The things you don’t know

Strange Attractors

I’ve damaged the synapses
Can’t destroy who I’ve been
I try to move forward
Then I creep back in

Can’t erase memory
I’m under its spell
Can’t climb back through history
And release myself

And I stare across the dark universe
And wonder how those ghosts keep on passing through

Slipping through pores in the membrane
Keeping now from what’s been
What I think disappears, comes back again

What once seemed so random
Disconnected, unclear
Unveiled in distant patterns
That enclose me here

And I stare across that dark universe
Afraid I’m falling into the same things

I’m done starting over
Memorized all this ground
Every path that I’ve followed
Turns me back around

I’m counting my blessings
Mindful of small things
I’m training my reflexes
To spring

Away from the channels
That brought me here
Away from the forces
That keep me spinning

Into black holes
Dark spaces that won’t let go
That hold me down
And leave me prey to the same things

But I’m ready now
I’m ready now
to leap away from these
strange attractors
I’m ready
I’m ready

Sundown Sister

©2007 Crandall

Hard times, strung out
Hit the bottom, can’t get out
Strychnine in your veins
Bad chill runnin’ through your brain

You gotta black hole in your heart
Bleak future from a bleak start

Foolin’ no one, out of luck
You lie for nothing, cover up

Fill the needle, push it in
Feel the rush, you can win

You gotta black hole in your heart
Sundown, sister, night

Ooh, the lights go out tonight
Ooh, the lights go out tonight

Lost your kids, slipped the bust
Fucked your cook and now you’re done
Shot the last of your meth
Insects crawlin’, skin’s a mess

You gotta black hole in your heart
Bleak future from a bleak start

Bit your boyfriend, ran for help
No livin’ in this homemade hell
Broken bulbs, shards of glass
Light it up, cut the deck

You gotta black hole in your heart
Sundown, sister, night

Ooh, the lights go out tonight
Ooh, the lights go out tonight

Gettin’ nowhere, got no friends
No future, no end
Feel your head ache, you can’t win
Nauseated, stretched and thin

You gotta black hole in your heart
Sundown, sister, night

Ooh, the lights go out tonight
Ooh, the lights go out tonight